I’ve had the great fortune of scuba diving in some of the world’s most renowned destinations - Australia's Great Barrier Reef, the bottomless coral walls off the Sinai Peninsula, and wreck dives in Honduras are some of my faves. I was certified in the late 1990's on a study abroad semester in Australia. And though diving never became one of my life’s passions, it was a hobby I enjoyed whenever I found myself in an opportune spot.

What fascinates me most about scuba diving is the feeling that I'm on another planet - complete with alien life forms and required breathing apparatus. The experience fills me with a sense of adventure and wonder. I leave feeling smaller than I've ever been and, at the same time, bigger than I was before.

This past December my family and I visited St. Croix for my cousin's wedding (congrats Andrea and Will!). I heard the diving was great on the island so the first outing I planned was a scuba trip. My family was curious, so I booked them as "Bubble Watchers" snorkeling from the surface while I got my scuba fix down below.

When the day finally arrived, we met our crew, had a little “fun” as my kids struggled with their masks and flippers, gathered our gear, and boarded the boat. Half an hour later we arrived at our destination and dropped anchor. Our Divemaster gave the briefing and I entered into the water as I had more than 50 times before.

Except that…

I. Could. Not. Get. Comfortable. I couldn't get my breathing settled. I was unable to relax (a critical component of safe scuba diving) and became hyper-focused on the low margin for error under water. I heard every fiber of my being scream "GET OUT, NOT SAFE!"

And so, I listened. To my utter disappointment, I listened.

Instead of diving that day, I stayed on the surface snorkeling with my family. We explored the ocean life and coral, played a few games, and had time to take in the terrible (and mostly appropriate) jokes from our Captain and First Mate*.

The disappointment of missing out on the dive, along with my sense of personal failure stayed with me for a little while. I was quiet as we returned to shore. But in the bumpy cab ride back to our hotel, I became aware of the opportunity to be a role model for my kiddos.

It's OK to get knocked down. It's OK to be sad or disappointed. And then, you have to pick yourself back up and move forward.

As I reflected on my process for finding a way forward, I found connections to other disappointments in my life and my career. Getting passed up on that job I was going for, or worse (!) getting fired…disappointing a customer…disappointing my team or myself…failing to deliver…putting my foot in my mouth…

So I generated a few thoughts on how I work through disappointment that have helped me:

Take stock - How important is this, really? Is it an existential blow or is it more of a minor issue? Is my ego engaged? What's most important? For me, in the scuba incident, safety definitely came before fun. For the rest, I try to remember that we all have our paths of ups and downs. No one progresses in a straight line and, unless I’m experiencing a serious threat, I will bounce back and move forward. Besides, wins are only as sweet because we’ve tasted defeat.

Silver linings - Look for the positives in a negative situation. Getting to spend time snorkeling with my family rather than being separated from them (which I would have been, in hindsight), helped me feel closer and more connected to the shared experience I was trying to create. Every disappointment is balanced with some sort of benefit, even if it’s not readily apparent. Perhaps this “missed opportunity” somehow sets you up for your next big win? Wait and see - silver linings have a way of shining brighter with time.

Focus on the lessons - What can I learn from this experience? And how can I grow or help others with that lesson? My kids knew how excited I was to go diving and they saw the disappointment in my face. We took the time to talk about how things don't always go as planned. Life isn't about everything going your way, it's about how you react when they don't. Also, we're an adventurous family - it's important for my kids to see me walk away when it doesn't feel safe. At work, I ask myself what I’ve learned and try to be grateful for the opportunity to keep developing, even if it’s from the school of hard knocks.

Plan for the future - I can't control what happened and there are no do-overs. But I can try to address it for the future. The experience in St. Croix helped me realize that my diving has gotten a little rusty - I'm down, but I'm not out! I'm going to sign up for a scuba refresher to build back my confidence. Maybe I'll even take it with my kids? (there go the silver linings again…). I do this in life too - what can I get better at? Who can I learn from? We are all a work in progress.

I can definitely say that each of the thoughts above has helped me through some tough times. What do you think of these approaches? How do you deal with disappointment? What strategies do you deploy?

(*What's bad for your teeth and red?....................................................A brick)

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