I was recently invited to spend a couple days with a client in Providence, Rhode Island. I always enjoy spending time with my clients in person, but I was particularly excited for this visit since I had lived in Providence with my wife from 2006-2009. This was before we had kids or a mortgage or any of life's really big responsibilities - I remember it fondly. I couldn't wait to visit my old stomping grounds and eat at some of my favorite restaurants.

As I spent time reorienting and exploring, I found myself talking to people and sharing, with some pride, that "I know this city, I used to live here." I wanted them to know that I wasn't just any tourist, I had roots here. And, while I was welcomed home with enthusiasm, almost everyone I spoke with also added "A lot has changed since you were here."

Now, this didn't come with any malintent or negative insinuation. I truly believe they meant no ill will in sharing that the Providence I once knew is no longer; while this might look like and seem like the same city, there were significant changes to the city I once called my own. These were simply statements, facts if you will, that they wanted to share with me, to help set my expectations.

And I hated it! I wasn’t a stranger, this was my home town! I didn't want to admit that I didn't know this city anymore, that I couldn't blend in and relate to the locals. I hated feeling out of place, when all I wanted was to feel in place, to feel comfortable and familiar, to feel home.

As I often do, I started to explore how this experience, this feeling, might apply to work and leadership.

As we grow in our roles, as we advance in the ranks, we often take pride in knowing where we came from, maybe even visiting from time to time. And when we do take the time to "visit" those on the front lines, don't we seek a sense of kinship, familiarity, and comfort? Don't we anticipate a sort of homecoming as we return to where we came from?

🎵 “Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got…” 🎶 (thanks, Jenny)

But, the truth is, things change. The job you once knew so well…has changed in the 10, 15, or 20 years since you've done it. Maybe the processes have evolved through enhanced technology. Or maybe the central goal or strategy has shifted what's important and measured. Sure, it still looks and seems like the same work… except that it's not.

I mourned the loss of my Providence-citizenship status. But I also started getting curious and asking questions - What's changed? What should I know about? What’s new that you love to do? What are some of the best new restaurants? And, while I didn't get to have dinner where I took my wife the night we got engaged, I had other new and wonderful experiences that enabled me to enjoy the city in completely different ways than I had anticipated.

The next time you go visit your old stomping grounds on the front lines (which I encourage you to do!), try to take a pause. Yes, you get to go down memory lane and take pride in where you've come from. But I promise you - even if no one tells you to your face - things have changed. You're no longer an insider. And you no longer know the way things are done around here. Take a breath, check your expectations, and see what you can learn from the new guard.

I think the difference will be profound - in your decisions, your leadership, your experience, and your relationships.

(* The title of this blog is not fictitious. Any inferred connection to the same-titled-song by the Grateful Dead was 100% intentional. And, yes, I did mash up the good ol’ Grateful Dead and J-Lo in the same blog post!)

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